Pardon me Sir, I respect what you are, an elder that I will kneel down to greet as a well groomed ‘muganda’ girl because that is what Africans do; RESPECT ELDERS. But today, I can’t wait to see the back of your shiny head not because you’re a dictator — I don’t care about ‘western democracy’ ideals. In fact I get infuriated when the western world tries to meddle in the systems of other countries. (You’ll probably find me singing praises for Mugabe despite what the western media says). To be honest, I’ve got my own questions about democracy but sir, that’s  a topic for another day.

I can’t wait to see the back of your shiny head because in a world where students at Makerere University are developing apps that monitor forests to curb illegal logging or those that detect pneumonia, you are promising us hoes. What happened to empowering the natives of Uganda with mechanised agricultural systems? H.O.E.S??? Seriously sir, as far as I can tell, you have run down the agricultural acumen of Uganda (click here to learn more). You have had some thirty years to prove your worth to Ugandans by revolutionising the agricultural sector but alas all we see are new military tanks and state-of-the-art tear gas! I am actually starting to think your priorities are all mixed up wrong because for someone who chants about how you brought peace, you sure do have a big propensity to spend on war machinery! Karamoja suffers from constant starvation in a country that actually has a good ‘food basket’ not forgetting the rivers and lakes… Janet Museveni is the Minister of Karamoja affairs…Ooops! Hmmm, I wonder about the gold in Karamoja and the starving natives! Please clear off, sir!

I wanna see the back of your shiny head because you have the power to revamp education in our blessed nation but all you care about are your biological grandchildren and children. Hullo? That seat you occupy right now is for people with a servant heart or have you forgotten that more than 50% of our population is under the age of 20? On top of that, misusing great ideas like UPE (Universal Primary Education) as a political tool to further your selfish reign. UPE was actually a great idea birthed immaturely before systems were put in place to make sure it would be effective. How come your grandchildren do not go to UPE schools? If they did, it would prove that you have faith in the success of UPE. A little bird just whispered to me that your grandchildren go to international schools… so Sir, what exactly is missing in Uganda’s education that you have little faith in it? Your children went to Kampala Parents’ School and when Kasole (a true educator and local investor) was being stifled by ‘Crane bank’, you did nothing to help him out. Somehow, schools like Shimoni also have a sad story to tell. As an educator, who knows the value of education as a country’s development tool, I am infuriated and flabbergasted by your inability to look after teachers! Please do get lost, Sir!

I have lived through three decades which makes me an adult in my prime age and I will tell you sir, there is nothing tangible driving Uganda’s economy. Not because there’s lack of viable activities to support the economy but because you are too selfish or perhaps ‘outdated’ and ‘out of touch’ with the times. Why are the youth crying about the lack of jobs in a country as gifted by nature as Uganda is? Just for fun’s sake, let me list a few things; Agriculture, tourism and OIL? Recently, Uganda has also been named as one of the most entrepreneurial country with a rate of 28% which basically means the number of people starting businesses is quite high compared to the rest of the world. Honestly speaking, what incentives have you given us? How have you empowered local investors? How have you poured funding into the private sector? How accessible is information and funding for these hardworking citizens down to the grassroots? Sir, your joy is supposed to be seeing as many Ugandans empowered to provide employment for their fellow countrymen as well as to better the economy and not in just the success of amassing cattle at Rwakitura. Please scoot off, sir!

The health facilities alone make me cry; we have one referral hospital and let me guess, you have been in power for close to thirty years! Please don’t give me that hogwash about lack of money because I once sat down and listened to NSSF chaps give me figures about how much money they collect from the private sector (it is just a handful of the population). As I listened, I realised that the power to make a difference in our nation lies not with foreign aid but in unity, an issue you have failed to address. A unified people ruled justly and fairly is all that is needed. NSSF collects about 50 billion UGX per month from a total of 1.4 million members which is roughly 3.5% of the total population (39 million). That’s a whole lot of Ugandan money from ordinary folks like me who work really hard, that Amama Mbabazi had the audicity to play with… I’m talking about the ‘Temangalo’ saga. You cannot pour out the king’s milk unless he has given you permission to do so…there’s no way Amama could have acted alone! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Sir! And that’s just a tip of the iceberg, there are actually statistics to prove that your regime has misused a lot of the money that could have improved the health sector, provided substantial education as well provided a livelihood for ordinary Ugandans. And don’t even get me started on the money you waste on MP allowances or scandalous corruption stories. By the way, we once had a surplus budget… that’s just a memory now! Allow me to say, please buzz off, sir!

You know the most infuriating thing about you is ‘your disregard for nature’. At one point, you wanted to give away Mabira forest to foreign investors under the guise of sugar production not forgetting that you destroyed part of Namanve forest for the coca-cola plant as though Uganda had run out of land for such expansions. FYI, Uganda’s power lies in the ability to urbanise without compromising nature, as tourism and agriculture come naturally. I will not even mention the scandal of the dams!

Your responsibility as a ‘democratic african president’ was to mentor great leaders; have you or have you not? Sshh, Don’t bore me with your response!

Don’t get me wrong, you’re not bad all they way. There are definitely good things about you. I’m thinking that you must be a great husband and dad not fogetting your ‘jajja-ship’. You are what I call a revolutionary leader, the ‘ganda’ welcomed you because they believed you would oust who they considered an evil leader. Revolutions are great but that’s all they are meant to be! Once a revolution takes on power, it should disband and let the gifted and educated leaders take over. Do you copy, sir? You have definitely outlived your glory. You have had some amazing moments like a female Vice president, establishing political stability, industrialisation and Kiira motors to name but a few.

However, it is time for you to step aside and let the new ‘exposed’ breed to take control… and I don’t mean Besigye or Amama because I feel these two are under your payroll to make the election process seem fair; but that’s just my opinion.

Sir, you are clearly ready to step down from that seat.  Rwakitura is awaiting your retirement. And don’t you worry, we will definitely call upon you for counsel. Even I cannot refute the fact that with age comes wisdom and experience.

I’ll end here today, I’m off to look for a glass of milk. But boy oh boy, I can’t wait to see the back of your shiny head.

Yours sincerely,

disgruntled African girl from UG.