Single and browsing… What goes through my mind as I date?

Raw Ugandan Love (credits: Walter Photography Ug)

I feel like the ‘settling down’ phase gets harder as we grow older. It’s suddenly way more complex with deeper nuances. It’s no longer just what he looks like or how dresses or what he sounds like. I remember back when I was 22, I was a stickler for men who formed their words correctly and I always avoided certain heavy accents for sure. He also had to be dark and tall. It’s not as simple as that any more.

There’s an explanation for this. We evolve and grow every single day. Who we were yesterday is not who we are today. 365 days can radically change even the things we enjoy to do. To put this in context, on one of my favourite podcasts, The Love Hour by Mr & Mrs KevonStage, their ‘go to’ analogy for this is the iPhone which gets upgraded every year. It’s still the iPhone but looks different and performs pretty much the same base tasks in a different way, so a user needs to take some time to learn how to use the upgraded version. I guess that’s what happens to us as well, we get upgraded to version 2.0, then version 3.0 and so forth. Each version requires a different set of handling instructions. What we liked at 22 is not what we like at 32.

So as I grow older this is what I think about when I am dating:

  • What resources does he bring to table?
  • What is his networking circle like?
  • How does he treat strangers?
  • Or… terrible waiters/waitresses?
  • What comes out of his mouth when he speaks?
  • What is he passionate about?
  • Does he look after his parents?
  • or …his siblings?
  • Does he look after himself?
  • Can he cook? Can he feed himself?
  • Does he clean his clothes, his room or his house?
  • What are his money habits?
  • You even start to think about his genes. What is he going to pass down to your children should you want any?
  • What baggage does he carry? Are you willing to take him with it?
  • Any hidden trauma?
  • What is his life philosophy?
  • Is he aware of social issues?
  • Any signs of intelligence?
  • What are his eating habits?
  • Does he exercise?
  • Any hobbies?

Y’all, I’m not kidding you… all these questions flash through my mind as I interact with someone on a date. It’s a lot! Looks alone are not enough anymore.

I believe the chance to travel and interact with different cultures has freed me from the chains of being boxed within what I was taught growing up. A lot of what I believed about dating while growing up, I do not subscribe to any more. (To be continued in another blog post).

I’m still single…still browsing and not settling down just for anybody. Are there any other older singles? What goes through your mind as you date?


Changing the narrative. Telling my african story

2 thoughts on “Single and browsing… What goes through my mind as I date?

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